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PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 3:34 pm 

Joined: Dec 30, 2013
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User avatarDonna di Ferro
 
From May 28 issue of Cook County Investor’s Monthly

Sister cities are largely ceremonial. But when given the rare chance, sister cities create actual economic ties. Gruberia City, Gruberia and Chicago are one of the rarities. And their relationship comes from true happenstance.

In 1999, Honorable and Fair President Hans Gruber embarked on a modernization program. Critics of the program noted that his plan placed all his eggs in one basket – blanket production. President Gruber claimed that by leasing land to blanket producers, it would benefit his people greatly. First, by replacing fruit orchards, he could cheaply source fruit from elsewhere. Second, by attracting business, it would invariably attract emerging technology. Finally, and most important to keep his populace happy, the extra blanket production will provide affordable blankets to his people.

Of course, this begs the question – why are blankets so important to Gruberia?

Surprisingly, Gruberia is the world’s largest consumer of blankets. And not per capita. The tiny nation of Gruberia buys 10 times the blankets of the United States. That is, this assumes that the “Snuggie” is a blanket. (http://www.thesnuggieshop.com/index.html)

For years, Gruberians use Snuggie-like blankets for ceremonial purposes. Per their religious beliefs, their “blankets” become defiled after 3 uses. And per their doctrine, a “use” is a very short amount of time. A little religious doctrine equates into a mountain of demand.

So how does seemingly fanatical religious observance connect to Chicago? ZipZoom.

Chicago’s ZipZoom is quietly the world’s largest producer (through their subsidiary Ted’s Stuff and Things) and retailer of blankets. And blankets have become big business thanks to Gruberia.
In the past year, the blanket market has risen exponentially thanks to Gruberia. In the face of rising prices, Gruberia City announced subsidizes to lower the price of blankets for their citizens. This only increased demand since the cost to the citizens decreased. In the past year, Gruberia spent a whopping 44% of their GDP to blanket subsidizes. Conversely revenue from their blanket land leasing program borne out of their 1999 economic reforms has failed to keep pace.

Economists note this pace is unstainable. But if you ask the CEO of ZipZoom, Frank Rizzo, the good times have yet to begun. We had the rare opportunity to interview Mr. Rizzo at this headquarters at 1059 W Addison St here in Chicago.

“If there is one thing I know is to take advantage of religious fanaticism” states Mr. Rizzo as he analyses his office expansion plans in one hand and a whiskey in the other. “Gruber has no choice to provide cheap blankets at cheaper prices so his people do not rebel. And with having more money than AllMart, that well will not run dry for years. I should either be shot or given an award for providing his people with my high quality blankets.” Rizzo pauses and lays down the plans. “When you cannot eat anything but skinny squirrels, you look to your god for help. So for them, you buy more blankets so hopefully a big fat cooked chicken miraculously shows up at your door. When that chicken does not, one feels compelled to buy more blankets or higher quality blankets to please their god. It’s almost an addiction to salvation that never comes. And we make ridiculously obscene amounts of money exploiting that.”

So what does Mr. Rizzo plan to do improve on his superior results? “We can always do more to improve our wholly-owned subsidiary Ted’s Stuff and Things. It’s easy to lose sight of cost controls and input costs. With our high level R&D, we are finding new ways to make our Gruberian blankets more efficiently. You’d be surprised to know that stupid looking hood costs more to make than the material. Christ almighty, with these new upgrades, the Gruberians are going to ask themselves ‘is this fine blanket a robe turned inside out or a blanket?’ They will be that good.”

It remains to be seen if Mr. Rizzo is successful, but it’s hard to argue against past results.

(Editor Note: In order to keep a future line of communication with President Gruber, this publication first referred to President Gruber as “Honorable and Fair”. Mr. Gruber will not communicate with any person or entity unless he is first addressed as such and becomes highly offended if one fails to do so.)


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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 1:39 am 

Joined: Mar 25, 2013
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User avatarHatuey Enterprise
 
:cry: these poor people only ask for quality blankets. Such selfless individuals. They deserve better.

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[b]I was gone for years, but had too many good memories and felt compelled to check the game and its community once more.


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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 4:40 am 

Joined: Apr 23, 2014
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User avatarKvothe
Cleaning Up the Competition: 1st Place
These articles might be the best thing to happen to this game since quality was invented.

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I am known by many names and titles. If you ask the patrons in my bar, they shall tell you I am Kote. If you ask my student here, he will tell you I am Reshi. I have traveled the world and gathered such names as Maedre, Dulator, Shadicar, Lightfinger, Sixstring, Kvothe the Bloodless, Kvothe the Arcane, and Kvothe the kingslayer. All of them are true. All of them are hard earned.

Which name will you see?


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