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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:16 am 

Joined: Nov 12, 2014
Posts: 148
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User avatarQuilogy Inc.
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*The following is an independent, paid message, financed by Quilogy Inc. This represents the beliefs of Quilogy Inc. and should in no way be taken as fact.*

Yes, people of the Simunomics world, we are in a crisis! A conundrum beyond measure, a quagmire, I say!!! The once bountiful streets of our cities are more barren than ever, and as much as Quilogy Inc. hates to say it, this is all your fault. So, for the benefit of Simunomics citizens everywhere, Quilogy Inc. has authored a survival pamphlet that we hope will be instrumental in helping save lives, and assisting in people becoming fruitful and happy in their Simunomics existence. I present to you....


THE QUILOGY GUIDE TO SURVIVAL AND FRUITFUL MULTIPLICATION



TIPS ON SURVIVING IN THE WORLD:

    -Try to get a job in a retail store. Quilogy Inc. employs thousands of workers like you, and we pay our employees ridiculous sums of money to do so. We also pay healthy living wages for our research workers. What in the crap are you doing working for 7000 bucks at some silica mine when you could be working for us?

    -As tempting as it may be, only buy the amount of goods you need. We understand that when you see an expensive television, its tempting to stock up and buy seven of them, but it is not in your best long term interest to do so. Also, try to use your products for extended periods of time, instead of disposing of them hourly, as this will save you money as well.

    -Did you know, that while you can buy one of our products for 100000, taking a four hour drive will get you the same product for ten times cheaper? While it might not be in our best business strategies to tell you this information, this is an informative pamphlet, and just selling one of our products in this fashion will earn you enough profit to equate almost 13 days labor at the silica mine. Food for thought.

    -We hear large families are really good. Apparently it's a really good idea to have a whole lot of kids, and its a really bad idea to do the following: Die of plague, move overseas, have abortions for ANY reason at all (world of Simunomics), use birth control, and not have as many kids as humanly possible. Which brings us to the following point, which will be bolded, capitalized, anointed with exclamation points, and will receive its own lines as needed:

THE HUMAN RACE IS AT STAKE, PEOPLE! IF YOU DO NOT HAVE AS MANY CHILDREN AS POSSIBLE, WE WILL GO THE WAY OF THE DODO BIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am already doing my part. I've had so many kids all around the country that I'm losing track of their names and various mothers. But I see that I am alone in my efforts. I have to step over piles of plague victims to get to my Canjara offices, I have to cut through lines of emigrating Simucitizens when I visit my friends at customs, and I am feeling it in the coffers of my massive one-item department stores.

Fun, not dying from plague tips:

    -Wash your hands often! Sing a song while washing them if the activity is too boring from you.

    -Make sure the meat you buy is qa 20 or above. I made the mistake of eating some 2.2 the other day, and I thought I had caught the plague for a few hours there.

    -Stop keeping rats as pets. Several SimuFamilies I know keep small rat nests in their homes for companionship purposes. This is also a bad idea, as studies by our labs have identified rats as possible plague-carrying instruments.

    -If you feel like a loved one has the plague, immediately don your HAZMAT suit, wrap them in cellophane plastic (remember to leave airholes!), and transport them immediately to the nearest hospital. Remember, their life is very precious, and must be saved at all costs. Just don't go getting the plague yourself in the process.


Tips on Having as Many Kids as Humanly Possible:

    -For actual tips and instructions on the process of breeding, just take the lewdest term you can think of and Google it. Within seconds, you will have a visual tool that details the process thoroughly. *must be 18 years of age, otherwise, skip this step. In fact, skip this whole section.*

    -Studies have recently shown that birth control pills may or may not be composed entirely of rat poison. Therefore, no matter how trusted your family doctor may be, he is obviously out of his mind, because what right-thinking physician would prescribe you rat poison?!?! Stop taking any form of birth control pills, except for Quilogy Inc. birth control pills, which do not impede pregnancy in any way!

    -Pay attention to various childbearing promotions that various companies may be offering. Did you know that Quilogy Inc. will pay parents 50000 bucks for every child born in Abalesk or Bellerive? Of course you didn't, because I just made that rule up now. But we will, so long as you bring your child (along with birth certificate) to any of our offices in the four major cities. Just make sure you sign the accompanying, "promise to not move out of the country or die from the plague" that comes with it. Otherwise we have no choice but to send our cronies to the afterlife or whatever country you move to, to get our money back. And we will.

So in short, this guide is meant as a tool to assist you and your family. Remember, "Get one of the many thousands of excellent paying jobs, buy only what you need, have lots of kids, and don't die from the plague!" Follow those steps, and you too, will enjoy a long, happy, fruitful life!


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 11:19 pm 
EcoSim Editor

Joined: Jan 19, 2011
Posts: 4623
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User avatarAindala Holdings
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